Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
