did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
