booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
