he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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