At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
