dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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