I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
