I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
