omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
worst night to have a conscience
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
