Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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