She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
