"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
