Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
