He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
