i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
