I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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