I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
