I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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