I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
