i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
