On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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