I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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