guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
