I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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