Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
