Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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