I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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