Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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