Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
