I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize