i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
