Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
