I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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