It's like God shit irony all over that family
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
