He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
