haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
