i already hear my dad disowning me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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