I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
