dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
