I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
