I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
