hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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