I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
