I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
