i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
