but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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