get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
