She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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