I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
