it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
