I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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