Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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