he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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