I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
