Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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