covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I touched a dick in church today
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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