I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
someone owes me an orgasm
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
