Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
