You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
