its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
bring money and cleavage
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
