i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
