There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize