my vag is so smooth its legendary
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
