ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
pray to the hookup gods
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
