I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
