the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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