woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
