Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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