I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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