If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
