Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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