I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
