So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
