I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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