Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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