I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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